My hair is my thing. I’ve been complimented on it more than anything else throughout my life, though I like to think that’s only because not everyone has had a chance to see in the flesh my rather glorious derriere. But let’s park the bum-talk, so to speak – today, sweethearts, I’m here about the hair.

Your question was, ‘How do I get my beautiful glossy hair back after having shredded it with sun, sand and surf?’ Well, there is a way, but first, a few pointers on how to keep it in good nick to begin with.

Before you go swimming, thoroughly saturate your hair with clean spring water – you can just nip into a shower if there’s one available. When it’s already wet, your hair can’t absorb as much of the chlorine/salt-water. Also, use leave-in conditioner, it acts as a barrier and is an absolute godsend. Apply liberally before you go out into the sun, as you would sun-cream. If you prefer, you can use olive oil or coconut oil as a substitute: they will very effectively condition your hair at the same time as protecting it.

However, let’s assume you didn’t do any of these clever things while you were on your hols, and have just returned to Blighty looking like what would happen if a hedge was dragged through a hedge backwards.

Don’t worry: we’ve all made these mistakes, the kind of error that leaves you looking like a cross between a toilet brush and an over-sedated Liza Minelli. But fear not! Just follow these simple steps, and in no time you’ll have a much softer, more touchable look. As an extra bonus, nobody will try to use you to clean a toilet. Or ask for your autograph.

First of all, if you’re one of those over-achievers who wash their hair everyday then please, please stop doing that. Over-washing strips the hair of all it’s natural oils and without these oils there’s no sheen, shine or texture – just fuzz and frayed hair cuticles. It’s no myth ladies, the more you wash your hair the faster it gets greasy between washes.

The best way to treat your hair right, is to wash and style it three times a week at the very most. Monday, Wednesday and Friday works for me – depending on my social calendar. I let Tuesdays and Thursdays act as my ‘Up-do’ experiment days, but if you haven’t the time for that kind of folly then a classic ponytail always does the trick. Try to remember to use a lock of your own hair to cover that revolting looking elastic band: just wrap it around the join and pin it if necessary. It’s the perfect finishing touch.

Sunday is the day of rest – for my hair that is. If I am busy during the day then it gets the ponytail treatment again but always with a promise of deep conditioning through the night. If you want really nourished and happy hair then a deep conditioning treatment once a week is key. I find that leaving it on through the night works best for me.

First, I’ll have a lovely aromatic soak in my tub, and I’ll dunk my head at some point in order to get my hair wet. Afterwards, I towel-dry my hair so that it is still wet but not dripping. At this point I’ll use my conditioner of choice. This really depends on the state of my tresses and the time of year: in summer it’ll be olive oil and vanilla essence, but in winter I tend to use a store-bought product. You can’t go wrong with Kerestase but if you want to be a little kinder to your pocket, John Frieda makes an excellent deep conditioning treatment.

Work the conditioner into your hair from the ends first, avoiding the roots. If you haven’t been over-washing, your scalp should be producing the right amount of natural oils – so you can leave those first few inches alone.

Once you’re done, put your hair up securely, but not too tight – you don’t want to have a headache when you wake up. If you have good sheets then wrap a scarf around your head to protect them or put a nice, clean, fluffy towel on your pillow.

When you get up, wash, condition and style as you would on any other day – so long as it’s a Monday, Wednesday or Friday.

So remember girls, over-washing will put the ‘sham’ back in ‘shampoo’, but if you love your hair right and condition in it carefully, your luscious locks will make a comeback more spectacular than a destitute ‘80s band. It’s do as I do, and do as I say, girls: take my advice and you’ll always look ‘like you’ve just stepped out of a salon’.